The LG Report's Interview Series Visits Cheeseboy in Utah!

States where men want more than one wife are depicted in red.

Today, we sit down with Abe (also known as "Cheeseboy,") the author of the very funny and popular Blog O' Cheese.   (click on the name to be transported to an extremely entertaining blog, unlike this one, which is only normal-strength entertaining.)

We are GRATEful [strap yourself in folks, we're just getting warmed up with the cheese puns] to Abe for agreeing to this interview, especially considering that he appears to be depressed and a little bleu today.  Nonetheless, we're expecting a Gouda interview.  Abe will no doubt be his usual sharp self (he earned his Ivy League diploma at Havarti), certainly more entertaining than our previous interview subject, Rush Limburger. Surprisingly, while Abe is from Utah, he does not reside in the town of Provo(lone).  As you might suspect, his favorite comedian is Ray Romano, his favorite baseball player was Reggiano Jackson and his favorite sitcom character was Herman Munster.  OK, time to cut the cheese puns and get to the interview:     

The LG Report:  Cheeseboy, how did you choose the name "Blog O' Cheese" and what specific type of cheese are we talking here?

The second funniest folks from Scranton, behind Cheeseboy.

Abe/Cheeseboy: My name stems from a home video that I made when I was 19 in Scranton, Pennsylvania.  I dressed up as “Cheeseboy” with yellow tights and a cape.  I ran around the University of Scranton like an idiot.  Somewhere the footage exists.  I hope it is never unearthed.

The LG Report:  You live in Utah.  Spelled backwards that's Hatu.  Hatu is a Mohican word which means "Land of the Cheese Blogger."  Did you know this?

Abe/Cheeseboy: I had no idea.  That would explain all the Mohicans on my doorstep every night with a basket of flowers and a cornucopia filled with Butterfinger Crisps.

The LG Report:  What's the most exciting thing to do in Utah? 

Abe/Cheeseboy: Utah gets a bad rap because people thing there are no bars or clubs here, which is an absolute fallacy.  But I don’t think those things are exciting anyway.

It's easy to see why Abe likes Utah football.

There are tons of very exciting things to do here.  Skiing, hiking, boating all seem to very popular. Personally, my favorite thing to do here is go 4-wheeling through the deserts and back woods.  I also LOVE cheering on my Utah Utes on Saturdays in the fall.

The LG Report: Have you ever seen a minority person?  And we don't mean a Democrat.

Abe/Cheeseboy: I AM a Democrat! We do exist here.

Man, we are just breaking Utah stereotypes left and right here.  Besides most of the Utah Jazz players, there are plenty of minorities here.  I believe that in Salt Lake City, Hispanic people make up about 35% of the population. 

Utah's minority population gathers to exchange ideas.

We also have a TON of Tongan and Samoan people living here.  They are great folks and keep our crappy buffets in business.

I think there might also be a few Eskimos here because sometimes there will be dead seals just lying by the side of the road.

The LG Report:  Most bloggers are women.  Only you, LG, and a guy in Canada are male bloggers.  Why do you think this is?

Abe/Cheeseboy: I think it is because women blog for different reasons that we 3 men do. Women blog because they like to hear each other whine.  Men blog because there is not a game on at the time.

The LG Report:  You own a Barney costume and, in fact, donned it and went to pick up Chinese food to celebrate the arrival of the 500th follower of your blog.  Our obvious question: Why would a Chinese person live in Utah?

Abe/Cheeseboy: I think the Chinese actually love Utah!  Why? Because morons come into their restaurants dressed like Barney and it makes them giggle.  That, and all that free shrimp in the lake.

The LG Report:  What's the most fun little-known tourist attraction in Utah?

Abe/Cheeseboy: Definitely our 7-11’s.  There seems to be one on every corner here.  Tourists are baffled by our Slurpee love.

This movie's run time is a bit too long for LG's taste.

Besides the 7-11’s, definitely check out Southern Utah’s canyons.  But don’t go alone or you may end up chopping your arm off with a pocket knife. 

The LG Report: Given the movement towards healthy food today, would you support a name change to Salt-Substitute Lake City?

Abe/Cheeseboy: No.  But I would support a name change to Sweet ‘N Low if they gave me enough money.

The LG Report: What's the craziest thing you've done that you can safely reveal without being arrested?

WANTED: Identifying feature - a frontal butt crack.

Abe/Cheeseboy: I once robbed a Chinese place dressed as Barney.

The LG Report:  How many wives do you have?  No, seriously, you can tell The LG Report.  We don't have 500+ followers, nobody will know.  How many?  Are all 500+ followers of your blog also your wives? 

Abe/Cheeseboy: About half my followers are wives, so 250.  They have to follow if they want their turn with me.

Seriously, I have one wife.  One.  She is pretty damned awesome.

The LG Report:  We assume you watch the show "Big Love" on HBO?  Don't you agree with LG when he says that the chicks should be hotter?

Abe/Cheeseboy: I don’t think we get HBO in Utah.  It was outlawed in the 1930’s along with Chinese buffets.

No, I don’t watch it.  I’ll have to take your word for it that they should be hotter. I am perfectly content on Bill Paxton’s hotness though.

The dude, of course, duh!

The LG Report:  Did you ever date Marie Osmond?  You don't have to tell us what base you got to, just if you ever dated her.   

Abe/Cheeseboy: Marie is much older than I. I think I may have dated her daughter though.

The LG Report:  If you woke up in a jail cell, with no memory of the night before, handcuffed to your boss and you could only say one sentence to him, what would it be?

Abe/Cheeseboy: “So people poop on the floor here too?”

(I teach 1^st grade and that seems to often be a running problem in the bathrooms.)

The LG Report:  Have you ever been to the Sundance Film Festival?  This is a boring question, we know, so feel free to make us some crazy answer.  Nobody believes the answers in these interviews anyway...

A fan at Blog 'O CheeseFest 2010.

Abe/Cheeseboy: I went once just to see if I could see any stars.  I ended up seeing Rosie O’Donnell eating pizza in her underwear.  It was a strange night.

The LG Report:  What do residents of Utah hate most about California?  

Abe/Cheeseboy: This is the EASIEST question so far!  Utahns HATE, HATE, HATE the LAKERS!!! 

But we love Disneyland, but they are not run by the Lakers.

The LG Report:  It's clear that you're named after that famous Abe, Abe Vigoda, who played the character Fish on the TV show "Barney Miller."  Have you ever met him?   Do you feel like a fish out of water?

Hmm, does have a cheese-like complexion.

Abe/Cheeseboy: I am actually named after the Grandpa on the Simpsons.

The LG Report:  Please wrap it up by telling readers of The LG Report why they should or shouldn't move to Utah and why they should read your blog.  We think it's a very funny blog, but nobody listens to us, so you'll have to blow your own horn here.

Abe/Cheeseboy: You should definitely come to Utah because Wilford Brimley lives here and when he gets really drunk, he will put on some parachute pants and run through downtown.

Read my blog because I think it breaks the mold.  I hope it funny, original and unlike any other blog you will read. 

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So there we have it folks, Abe/Cheeseboy from the most excellent Blog 'O Cheese has provided his unique insights into male blogging, Utah and Barney costumes. As a parting gift, Abe will get five t-shirts that say "My Husband Was Interviewed on The LG Report and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt."  Wait, make that six.

Be sure to keep checking back regularly (and please sign up to follow if you haven't already; once we hit 100 we'll blatantly rip-off Abe's idea and do something crazy, we're just not sure what yet...) because we'll soon be accepting entries in our LG Report Cutest Pet Contest.  Stay tuned for details (and don't ask us how you "tune" a computer, just stay tuned, we're all old enough to remember that phrase...thanks!)
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