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Here's a minor news item that you may have missed: The world is going to end on May 21, 2011.
LG knows this is true, because he saw the sign below in the Lexington Avenue Subway stop under Grand Central Station yesterday:
Surely New York City's Metropolitan Transit Authority doesn't allow untrue signs in subway stops.
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| This is Earth exploding. It looks like it will hurt. And probably be uncomfortably hot. Dress lightly. |
Further, the good people at FamilyRadio.com wouldn't lie to us, would they?
If we were talking about SingleDrifterWithNoJobRadio.com maybe it would be suspect. And, certainly, HomelessGuyWithADrugHabitRadio.com would lack credibility. But not good ole FamilyRadio.com.
So where does this leave us? Here are some thoughts:
- May 21st is the birthday of LG's sister MIG. He's already informed her that he's not buying her a present until May 22nd. No sense wasting money, especially at a time like that.
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| This chap is no doubt going monkey. |
- Make sure that you're wearing clean underwear on May 21st; you never know what Heaven's admission criteria will be. LG guesses that people lacking underwear (i.e. going "commando," "monkey" or "free ballin'") need not apply for the eternal reward. "If thou junk hangeth pell mell, be ye condemned straight to Hell." [LG just made that up, it's not in the Bible. Fooled you.]
- The good news is that the ancient Mayans predicted that the world wouldn't end until Decemeber 21, 2012 so we might have more time than FamilyRadio.com thinks. If we get past May 21, 2011, LG advises wearing clean underwear on December 21, 2012 also. We won't go so far, however, as to recommend wearing clean underwear everyday, that's a bit extreme, especially for you commandos out there.
- The band REM will be in big demand on May 20th to play their hit "It's The End of the World As We Know It." Our understanding is that it's currently the #1 requested song on FamilyRadio.com.
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| This has nothing to do with the coming Apocalypse. It was just meant to scare you in a general way. |
- Only a fool would get a colonoscopy or visit their mother-in-law on May 20th.
- When asked what he would do if he knew the world would be ending shortly, young Henry, who can be seen in THE VIDEO CLIP ON THIS POST smashing cake into his own face, said he'd throw a butcher knife off the 9th floor balcony in his NYC apartment without concern for anyone below. OK, at least he has a plan.
We invite you to leave a comment, if you are so moved. to tell us what you'll do in advance of the world ending on May 21st. Comment today, don't put it off until May 22nd!
Scoff at us now, but if the world really ends on that date, The LG Report will have had the last laugh -- and don't think we won't rub it in!
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Big news: Our next installment of The LG Report's 50-State Intervew Series goes overseas to check in with Carol from England. Technically, England is not one of the 50 U.S. States, but since it used to own us, it sorta counts. We're expanding our horizons, so just back off and enjoy, you only have until May 21st!
We look forward to having you stop back again soon.
